Archive for the dogs Category

That Time I Accidentally Invented The Word “Nigger”

Posted in animals, dogs, horror stories, my gifted life on November 26, 2011 by Samuel K the Best

I was maybe 6 or 7 years old. I was on summer break and it was a hot day outside, so I went to my back yard with my dog Whoopi to play with the garden hose.

I would shoot a blast of water into the air and try to run out from under it before I got wet, screaming “ITS RAINING ITS RAINING!” My dog would chase the spray from the hose around the yard, biting at the water and snarling. I’d blast the windows of the house and watch the water trickle down the glass. I’d spray a bunch of water all over the deck behind the house and watch the wood go a darker color as the water soaked in.

I was having a really good time.

I started walking toward our back fence, to see if the wood on the fence shared the same “gets dark when wet” properties as the deck when I noticed that my dog was chasing the hose pipe as I dragged it through the grass. She was barking at it and acting crazy. I thought this was funny, so I began whipping the hose back and forth as my dog freaked out and tried to bite it.

At first, I was just whipping the hose back and forth as my dog chased it, but soon found out that if I spun the hose like I was twisting a jump rope, it would sail over Whoopi’s head and she’d jump to catch it.

I kept this up for a long while and eventually got tired, but it was too funny to see my dog jumping and dashing around, barking like an idiot and trying to bite a hole in the garden hose. I started making these little grunts of effort as I whipped and twisted the hose away from my hysterical dog. I would go “Ng! Ng! Ng!”

These little grunts became a word to me. I began to think of this whipping motion as a “nigger” because I was “nigging” the hose away from Whoopi just before she could bite it.

A few minutes later, my father came out into the back yard to check on me and found me swinging the hose around screaming “NIGGER! NIGGER! NIGGER!” at the top of my lungs as my dog freaked out.

I had NO IDEA why Dad was so angry. He asked me where I learned that word and I was told him “I MADE IT UP! It’s a nigger when Whoopi doesn’t bite the hose!”

I got a good talking-to from my dad and he told me to never say that word ever again. It wasn’t until years later that I learned what the word “nigger” really meant and realized what I’d done.

To this day, I feel a little bit guilty when I’m singing along to the Wu-Tang Clan.

Advertisements

The Funniest Video I’ve Ever Seen

Posted in animals, dogs, happy birthday on June 16, 2010 by Samuel K the Best

I discovered this video a couple years ago. I will share it here.

A bored looking dog wearing a party hat is harassed by a rooster while a lady with a funny accent joyously screams at him and a MIDI of “Happy Birthday” blares in the background.

I think that’s probably what Heaven is like.